Unwrap Slowly

The other day Aiden hauled out his baby scrapbook, and of course, once it's in sight, I had to go through it.
It's funny the tug of loss I feel when looking at pictures of my children as babies.  Because it doesn't feel that long ago, but when I poke through those pages I'm forced to acknowledge the passing of the years.  There's no denying it.
I'm often entranced by Aiden's baby pics.  Searching for clues, staring at his face.  I'm mostly brought back to that time, when I believed I'd already met my little boy.  I guess when he was so young I thought i knew him, that all my ideas of who he would be were real, not just my imaginings.
I thought I'd already opened the gift that was my boy.  I thought that when he was born that the wrapping paper had already been torn off fully.
I was so wrong.  In reality I've been tearing away at the gift wrap bit by bit, piece by piece.  Every now and again I think I know what's inside, tease myself with hints, predictions.  Kind of like when you're fondling a gift before Christmas, certain you've figured out what's hiding beneath, only to be thrown off by the feel of something you can't quite explain.  I was sure this was a blanket, so what's that hard lump I'm feeling?  Back to step one in the guessing game.
I've always thought that a glimpse of the future would help quell all of my fears.  But maybe children aren't meant to expose themselves all at once.  Maybe none of them do.  Perhaps we let our own ideas of who they are interfere with who they were going to be.  We kind of set their course for them, almost accidentally.
So I guess I'll keep on tearing slowly, peaking inside, guessing and dreaming.
Because the gift of my boy is meant to be savoured.  No rush, I'll unwrap slowly.

Why Awareness Matters (a lot)

October is autism awareness month in Canada, and every year I change my facebook profile pic to something autism related, and write countless meaningful status updates.  I do this for the same reason I write this blog, because awareness matters.

I know that many people know what autism is.  I also know that many people understand that it is skyrocketing.  But what I really want is to help in creating a community of compassion for those affected by autism, and their families.

11 year olf Mitchell Wilson recently took his own life because of a violent attack from another young boy, himself just 12.  I, like many am disguisted by the incident.  Baffled at how another child could behave this way.  But I think we are kidding ourselves if we believe that this 12 year old was anything but a product of society.  Our society.  We have to ask ourselves how we failed Mitchell, and how we failed the other boy as well.

Holding the 12 year old responsible for his actions is one thing, but not taking pause to question why it happened, and how we all hold some responsibility would be negligent.  Because there will be other Mitchells.  There already are.

Somehow, in the busy days of ferrying our sons and daughters from soccer and hockey and back again, we have forgotten to teach our own children.  Schools may teach your children to read and write, and how to add and subtract, but it is not their job to dispense morals. 

Parents, talk to your children.  Start young.  Help them to become good, solid people.  Kindness comes naturally to children, foster it, encourage it, praise it.  Young children ae accepting, we learn to fear that which is different.  Don't let them learn this fear from you.  Racism, sexism, homophobia are not  natural to the garden of a child's mind, they are dangerous seeds that get planted.  Once they take root, they can be difficult to get rid of.  Protect it dearly.

Don't stop at teaching your child to say please and thank you. Surface manners aren't enough. Teach them compassion, selflessness, and respect.  Teach them that different is not less . (That's Temple's mama talking) Make sure that they know that how they act matters.  Teach them that you are holding them to a high standard.  Act as an example for your children.

There may not be any ribbons, trophies, or first places for having a strong character, but it matters more than anything else.  Than everything else, put together.

This October, talk to your children about what autism is.  Most likely they have a child with autism in their classroom.  But don't stop at giving them a definition. 

And my family will be grateful to you.

Pop Culture's Embrace

You know your syndrome is popular when it pops up on t.v.  Currently we have two shows that arefeaturing Asperger's, albeit in completely different ways.

On NBC's Parenthood, we meet young Max Braverman.   The focus here is on Max's parents, and mostly how they deal with tough choices they have to make concerning him. We watched as they struggled with getting Max diagnosed, planned a dreaded birthday party, dealt with the grandfather not-really-getting-it, cringed at Max's candor.  When Max's dad lost it with a rude man at the supermarket, we equally cheered him on and felt his pain.  Now that Max has been placed back in public school, we're all holding our breath.

Parenthood puts Asperger's in a family context.  Sometimes when I'm watching I can laugh at the little things or fret right along with the parents.  We see how Max benefits from a loving support system.  We also see the eye-rolling of his classmates.  Sometimes it is a joy to watch, sometimes it is downright sobering.
,

Bazinga!

And then, the polar opposite is The Big Bang Theory.  We have non-diagnosed Dr. Sheldon Cooper, complete with his rigidity, his literalness, his brilliance.  He is Aspergers to the power of a billion.  Asperger's on bust.  And I love it.

Sure, I like the show for all the same reasons as everyone else.  It's hilarious, the characters are as endearing as they are obnoxious.

But I also like it because it is to me, an Asperger's success story.   In no way, shape or form does Sheldon blend in, his autism is a fireworks display.  It's why we love him.   Sheldon is a success because he turned his areas of interest into a noteworthy career.  He is a fully independant adult (ok, with the exception of his driver's license....) and above all else, he has an active social group.

Yes, his friends find his ways downright painful at times, but overall, they accept him for who he is, they order from the right restaurants on the right nights, they play the games allocated to each weekday.  Sure, they make fun of him right to his face, but all good friends do.

I think it's fair to say that this much air time means we've made it.  Our particular disability has managed to capture the attention and imagination of the world. It's nice to see something of our lives reflected back to us, in ways that can tug at our heartstrings, or grab us right by the funny bone.

The First Day of School

With a quick view of my facebook homepage these last few days, I've been noticing quite a split. 

Many, many people are excitedly posting status updates concerning which grade their children are starting, and many are sharing that their little ones are stepping onto that great yellow bus for their first time ever this morning.

These updates are so lighthearted, joyful, a mixture of pride, and wonderment at the quickly passing years.

And then there are the updates from people I know through the autism community.  All about the preperation they are doing with their children, and their schools, praying for a smooth transition from summer into school, from one grade to another, from old teacher to new.  Many links are being shared to informative articles about how best to work with your school, any and all tips that could possibly make this easier.

These updates are painful.  Their writers are scared, stressed, it's palpable.

When I read these updates, I feel guilty.  I have personally been counting down to the start of school.  For me, that means that our parks and playgrounds can be reclaimed.  Local attractions will return to the lazy pace of the school year. Our city becomes quiet, calm, in a word: accessible.

If I didn't comment on your status update, I'm doing it now.

To all of you who are experiencing the joy, and excitement of your babies moving on up through the grades, and starting the season of their life when they enter school, congratulations!  They are indeed growing up fast, and it is amazing to watch how in such little time, my kids and yours can grow and learn so much.  It warms my heart to see the pride you feel, witnessing the joy of parenthood can do that.  Your children are blessed to be so loved.

For those of you who are facing today with a strong dose of courage, and a belly full of fear, I am astounded at your courage, and stand in awe of you.  I have no doubt your stress translates to dilligence, and my hope for you is that your school and teacher see your concerns and fear as the face of the love you have for your child.  Good luck to you today, and indeed all year long.  May you be blessed with one of the many caring teachers out there who embrace the role of teaching, and see all students success as both their responsibility and joy.

Um....Not Quite.

Mariokart's Coconut Mall

Whoever invented YouTube is a genius.  Aiden has quite the pile of "Favorites" built up for himself.  Whatever his latest interest is, he is able to satisfy his need through the seemless endless topics available for his viewing pleasure.

One thing he loves to watch is videos of people playing Mariokart.  I think he'd rather watch people play the game on YouTube than play it himself!  But, through the power of YouTube, he has discovered videos of people who have hacked the games, who have found ways to explore parts of the race tracks that we aren't meant to access.  For Aiden, this is inexplicably exciting.

Now, not to make a generalization, but I've heard other parents say the same things about their children on the autism spectrum... like my boy, they prefer to explore the worlds of video games than to play them in their intended ways.  Aiden could care less about winning first place in a race on Mariokart, he just enjoys looking around, seeing where he can get, that kind of stuff.  He draws countless pictures of the worlds depicted there, with stunning detail, because that's how he enjoys the game.

So, he is quite interested in how these online hackers are able to get all of those cool places.  Neither hubby nor I could ever be confused for computer game enthusiasts, and certainly not experts.  We are both able to use techology in general to meet our needs, but the inner workings of it remain  both mysterious and magical.  You can imagine the dissapointment our lack of knowledge brings to our six year old.  He wants us to find a "computering person" to help him with his quest. 

Upon harrassment to help him explore the off-track locations in places like Toad's Factory and Coconut Mall, we patiently explained to him that you need to be able "to write code" to hack these games.

He went off on his own for a while... then returned proudly holding up a sheet of paper. 
"Mommy, Daddy, I wrote code! "



So you did baby, so you did.

What You Might Not Know

I'd be lying if I said I've got it easy.
When even a simple trip to Walmart takes planning, and a dose of courage.

I'd be lying if I said that although homeschooling is the best possible choice for us, that it's easy.
It is a ton of work, a ton of planning, a rather mighty big project overall, home educating your child.

I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't smart to have three university degrees,  and no career.
When you spot me at the grocery store in sweat pants, possibly pulling my child away from the grimy cleaning cart, "highly educated" probably isn't the adjective that jumps into your head.

But, you might not know that although parenting a child with special needs was never planned, it is an unimaginable priveledge.  A daily reminder of keeping perspective, appreciating your gifts and loving to the hilt.  You might be surprised to know that even though my child may require a lot of extra work, that it is worth it. I would'nt trade one day with him for anything.

You might be surprised to know that I do not wish him any other way.  That the sight of your typical child stirs up no jealousy in me.  Of course I do not wish him challenges or a life filled with obstacles, but he is who he is, and I am wouldn't trade him for the world.  That I'm not looking for miracle cures, just support and acceptance.

You might not know that being responsible for our boy makes me feel special too. 

In Your Own Backyard

The dog days of summer are here.  On the beautiful days we rise with nothing before us but promise of what the day might bring.  On the rainy days we ponder how to while away our time.

Summer holds a unique challenge for us.  The city is alive with school children, no longer are they tucked away by day within the confines of the school walls.  They are out, they are free, and they are everywhere.

Favoured playgrounds now house summer day camps.  The play equipment is lost beneath swarms of climbing, jumping, playing children.  The shops, the local attractions, all of the places to go are filled.

Everywhere is crowded.  Everywhere is full. 

If you parent a child who does not thrive in crowds, you will understand the problem.  We are left feeling that there is nowhere to go.  Our backyard becomes our sanctuary, the platform for all of our outdoor fun. 

Finding places to go, and things to join is a continuting challenge.  One I expect will only become more difficult over time.  Small group activiites are hard to come by.  Specialized programs are not always what you would hope they would be.

So we will wait out the crowds of the summer.  When the kids go back to school, we can once again reclaim the plagrounds.  I will continue my search for the right place for us.

I so often wish that the discussions about inclusion were extended beyond money-saving gestures of jamming all our kids into the one classroom.  Instead we could work as a community to find places for all kids to play and to thrive.  No more waiting on the side lines.  No more waiting out the crowds.

Until then I will  just be thankful for our backyard.  And my children who play so joyfully there.

Two Years of My Yellow Apple

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of My Yellow Apple.

Funny how so much can change in two years, and how much can stay the same.

This little blog has been a wonderful place for me to come to vent, reflect and feel like I am reaching out.  Being heard.
 
Thank you to all of you who take the time to  listen.  Thanks for dropping by, and thanks for coming back.

Your encouragement and kind words over the last two years have been a gift.

Welcome to year three of My Yellow Apple.

One of the Reasons

Out in the backyard this morning, my two sweeties were swinging on the swings and running in the grass.  Revelling in the glory of a beautiful sun- filled morning.

I sit on the patio, enjoying my first precious cup of coffee, silently planning the day before me, and listening in on their back and forth conversation.

And I hear my little boy gently offering his sister a freshly picked dandelion, as bright and yellow as the sun.  She couldn't be happier had he given her a new pony.  She graciously accepts, thanking him 100 times over.

A small offering from a boy to his sister.  A huge gift to the listening-in mommy.

And that`s just one of the reasons I love him.

A Recipe for Success



Boiled Raisin Cake

 I have always enjoyed baking, and now that I have two little ones, I find it to be an excellent rainy day activity. Yes, there are times they ask to bake, and I am just not in the mood, or have just finished cleaning the kitchen…but once we get going, I’m always glad I said yes. Why? Not only because the children really enjoy baking, but also because this time together offers me a wealth of opportunity to work on key academic, sensory and social skills.

It is often the goal of us homeschooling moms, and us autism moms to use every experience to our advantage, to merge play into learning so that our little ones find it hard to tell one from the other. And what better way to do this, than while whipping up something sweet? With baking, there is always a reward at the end.

How can you make baking work for your little ones? Here are a few tips:

Academic Skills in Baking

• Following a recipe is great practice in following directions.

• Depending on the age, or reading skills of your child, reprint your recipe with key words, so that your child can feel like they are reading alone. Or, use clip art, or your own fancy art work to make the recipe visual.

• Measurement skills: baking is a great way to learn about fractions. Use the standard measuring cups to learn basic fractions, or double or triple recipes to work on other fraction skills. Be creative, if a recipe calls for ½ a cup of sugar, ask your child how they could get this amount without using the ½ cup.

• Estimation: children can estimate how many cookies the recipe will yield, record their guesses, and count to check at the end.

• Skip counting: if you are making a larger batch, have children count the number of cookies by making groups of 5 or 10.

• Division: create story problems while baking. For example, you have 5 kids coming to a party, and 24 cookies. How many will each child get? How many will be left over.

• Patterning: for roll out cookies, use different cookie stampers to create patterns on the baking sheet.

Social Skills in Baking:

• Turn taking: children can take turns reading from the recipe. adding ingredients, using the mixer, fetching needed ingredients or tools, etc.

• Settling disputes: Do your kids fight over who gets to crack the eggs, or lick the spoon? Before you get into the action, have children agree upon who gets to do what. Try to let them sort this through on their own, and once the baking begins, they can work on sticking to their bargain.

• Being helpful: children love to feel helpful, not only are they helping to bake, but they can help to clean up, put away ingredients, even sweeping the floor!

• Conversation: talk about what you’re doing, ask lots of questions, reflect upon the activity, what was your favourite part?

• Paying compliments: have children compliment each other on their hard work. Maybe take turns saying what everybody did best!

Sensory Opportunities in Baking:

• Hard work of stirring stiff dough

• Rolling out dough using roller, or their bare hands.

• Kneading dough

• Get their fingers dirty! Baking has oodles of opportunities to get your child’s hands into something soft and icky.

• Lots of smelling! Experiment with calming scents (almond extract, apple, banana, butter, cinnamon, vanilla extract) or arousing scents (chocolate, coffee, lemon, orange, mint)

• Tasting



And if all this doesn’t give you enough incentive to whip out your apron and preheat the oven….perhaps the thoughts of some delicious baked goods will do the trick