Christmas is Coming to Town

The magical Christmas is now less than two weeks away.  Along with the hustle and bustle of trying to finish up shopping and decorating, many autism families are also trying to cope with the stress Christmas brings to our special little ones, and trying to plan the holidays accordingly.

Many people are surprised to realize that Christmas is anything but a time of pure joy for children.  But trust me, it can be a difficult time for many families.

Sure our kids are excited about Santa's pending trip down the chimney, but they are also big fans of consistancy, and Christmas is a time when everything changes, from daily schedules, to the invasion of Christmas decorations, drastically altering their physical environment.

Here are some of my tips for surviving Christmas, and enjoying it along the way.

1. Plan ahead.  Do your best to plan your Christmas visits, so that you can let your child know in advance where they are going, and for how long.  If you are going from place to place, create a little list for your child to follow, and perhaps keep in their pocket.   
2. Pack heavily.  This is the time to test the capacity of your purse.  Fill your purse with everything you need, or might need, or just might be nice to help your child enjoy themselves, whereever you are going.  Favourite snacks, chewey tubes, portable DVD player with favoured videos, portable gaming system, books, iPod fully loaded...and whatever else you can think of.  Sound excessive?  I personally believe there is no such thing as being overly prepared.
3. Social Stories.  Make use of Carol Gray's brilliant idea by writing Social Stories which may cover any novel situation you may be in.  Perhaps one illustrating proper use of another child's new Christmas toy, how to politely decline offered foods, what to do when you want to go home, but you can't just yet....you anme the issue, and you can write the story. 
4. Maintain normalcy as much as possible.  Admist all of the hustle and bustle, try to find some things that can stay the same.  Your little one may cling to these small strands of normal, and they just might get them through all the rest.  For example, last year we homeschooled through the holidays, missing just Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  Even if he doesn't love school work, it is a big part of his schedule.  Also, you might do your best to maintain the regular bedtime routine.  Small pockets of normal in a sea of change. 
5. Keep your home sacred ground.  Allow your house to always be a safe place, his or her place of retreat.  Perhaps you shouldn't host the big holiday parties, or large family dinners, unless this is something your child enjoys. 
6. If it's just too much, don't do it.  Learn to say no.  Not all invitations are best accepted.  Show gratitude for being included, but if you think an event would just be too much, you are most likely right.  Your stress will become your child's stress.  Do what you can, try your best, and try your best to recognize that keeping your child's best interest in mind is bound to dissapoint others at times.  That's just part of the deal.
7. Keep your holiday priorities straight, happy, joyful time together as a family. 

I love Christmas, and fully intend on enjoying it the best that I can....even if it kills me!

Exceptional Family

I'm very excited to announce that My Yellow Apple has been featured in the current issue of Exceptional Family magazine!  There is a feature article on  moms who blog, and I am so happy that Aiden and I are a part of it.

Exceptional Family is a wonderful Canadian magazine for families of people with disabilities.  Every issue I find tons of useful information in this mag, and would highly reccomend it to other families.

I'd like to send a special welcome to any new readers who have found their way here from the magazine article.  I hope you like what you see and come back often!

What a wonderful early Christmas present for me and my family....one we'll treasure for years to come.

Help Me to Remember

In these hard days, help me to remember that it's been hard before.  I need to remember that hard times come, and hard times go.  Help me to remember how far we have come already, and that things can look up.  Because sometimes, usually not for long, I can forget.  And that scares me.

Help me to remember that all the choices we have made have been made with pure hearts, always with best hopes for other, not for self.  When you have to make such big decisions all the time, it can be easy to question yourself, and sometimes that makes me upset.

When things are rough, I need to remember all of my blessings.  I don't always want to be focused on my worries, there are many in this world who would see my worries as trivial in light of their own, and they are right.  It's all the things I take for granted that are my blessings, how lucky I am to take so many things for granted.  Remembering my blessings can make me feel grateful, and loved.

Help me to remember, when I'm having a hard time, that it's okay if I don't always know what to do.  It's okay if I try a zillion things, some of which I thought were great ideas, and they don't seem to work.  It is my effort and dedication that matter, and lots of times these don't fail me.  When I can't figure out the answer, and I feel like I am walking in circles I can feel frustrated, and dissapointed in myself. 

Help me to remember that when I don't know what else to do, it's always a good idea to love a little harder.  It may not fix everything, but sometimes it's all I have to offer.  And a little extra love never hurts.   

Is there anybody out there?

I read a lot.  I take great comfort in recognizing my family's story in other people's stories.  Perhaps it is human nature to know that we are not alone.  When you face the challenges of parenting a child with autism, circumventing and obeying the host of "rules" your child lays out for you, it is hard not to feel like it is impossible that anyone else could possibly understand your life.  And how you live it.

And no offense, but I honestly do not think one can truly "get this" unless they are living it.  It is just too much, too all-encompassing to understand unless you are in it up to your armpits. 

At this particular moment in time, I am feeling very isolated.  We are going through a cycle of extreme sensory issues, and thankfully I am now experienced enough to know that these issues will cycle out again, but for now, they are very, very real.  And very, very limiting. 

As one example, right now we are going through an extreme aversion to food smells.  Extreme.  It is very hard to find things to cook that will not make him feel as if his body is under attack.  Try going to the grocery store with a child who can lose all sense of decorum at the slightest whiff of banana. 

At times like this, my world gets very small.  There are few places I can go, few things I can do.  Honestly, it is a pretty lonesome scene. 

I know that there are other moms out there who honestly understand the bizarre dilemnas I find myself faced with.  Moms worldwide ask each other for advice on tips for facing parenting challenges, how you get your kids to bed on time, ways to sneak more vegetables into their kids, stuff like that.  But I'm looking for help solving slightly less common problems, How do I get my boy to keep the sleeves of his winter coat rolled down ?  How do you get your child to tell you if they've hurt themselves?  How do you explain to people what your child needs without coming off all "preachy"?

You are out there, right?  Other moms do have these kinds of questions...right?

What a Wonderful Kind of Day!

It's great when you don't have to reinvent the wheel.  Which is exactly what us parents of children with Asperger's Syndrome do, all the time.  Every time our child meets new people.  Everytime we bring our child to a new environment.  We have to find a succint, accurate description of our child's differences, and still try to find a way to put some focus on the good, before losing the audience's attention.  We need to quickly plead them to look beyond what can appear as indifference on our child's part, or quirky behaviours, and take the time to see the multitude of gifts our child has to offer.

You know what?  From now on, I'll be sharing this link.  Because it is a great, child friendly description of Asperger's, and how children with differences still have a lot to offer in friendships.  And how it is worth making some accomdations to have a great friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYgN2few-Tw

Arthur, the beloved PBS character has featured an episode on Asperger's Syndrome.  The episode is titled "When Carl met George". George is a great artist, a train specialist, startled by noises, and easily upset.  Sound familiar anyone?  The episode even addresses special interests, without an insulting slant that our kids are "obsessed" with something.  Following the cartoon, the "and now a word from us kids" section featured some real children who have Asperger's and autism. 

It was well done, and definately worth sharing.

A world where t.v. shows take the time to appeal to all of its viewers, and fosters understanding amongst children to appreciate differences....what a wonderful kind of day! 

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Okay, so I've already dedicated two posts to the amazing Minister Kevin O'Brien, but I just have to share this!  (see You've Got Mail, and Front Page News!)

This man's thoughtfulness and kind heartedness merits just one more post.  He actually made arrangements,came to our house, and knocked on the door, with a transport truck!  Aiden was taken for a nice long ride, blew the horn, used the CB radio, the whole deal.

He was over the moon!  He now has an amazing memory to last him a lifetime.

And to think, all of this because a little boy wrote a letter!

We need more Kevins!!!!!



No Sacrifice at All

I learned a lovely little life lesson the other night.  I learned it where I learn so many little subtle nudges of wisdom, from a good book.  I was reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom.   I wasn't reading it for insight, just enjoying it as the quick, simple read that it is.  But when I came upon page 93, my eyes began to well up, and my heart did too, with a refreshing new perspective.

In the story, a man who has recently dies meets five people from his life who teach him lessons and give him a broader view of the life he just led.  One of these lessons is about sacrifice. 

" Sacrifice is a part of life.  It's suppossed to be.  It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to....Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."

Wow.  I know that my husband and I definately made the right decision in homeschooling.  Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for its many, many merits.  I so appreciate this time being home with my children.  But it wasn't made without sacrifice.  I had a career, hey, I even had an income!  There is always that slight hint of panic hanging around the edges of the euphoria of homeschooling, that I gave up something too big.  Something that I might not be able to get back.

I realize now that I haven't really given up anything.  I'm just giving something different to someone I really love, and someone who really needs it.  Yes, I offered up a career for a while, but I have recieved so much in return.  My husband goes to work without having to worry about how our little guy is surviving a school day.  He has gained peace of mind.  I can start each day knowing that I am available to my children, to help them learn, to help them socialize, to help them be together as a family.  In the big picture, we have lost nothing.  But we have gained a lot.

For other families who are considering homeschooling, but may be daunted by all that has to be sacrificed to make it happen, I think we offer up an example.  Homeschool families are like all others, like any other family that makes the financial decision to keep a parent in the home.  Decide what is most important to you, make that your goal, and make your decisions and sacrifices accordingly.  Without regrets.  Aspire to reach your true goals, and be grateful.

Above all else, we have gained a happy, secure, comfortable enviornment for our boy to live and learn in.

And that's no sacrifice at all.

Giving Thanks

In a few short hours I will gratefully be digging in to a lovely turkey dinner.  So I thought I should take a few minutes to reflect on what I am thankful for (apart from the aforementioned delicious dinner!).
I am thankful for having a husband that I adore, and a little boy and girl who make the whole world shiny and new, amazingly at the same time that they keep my house disorganized and messy.  A warm house, lots to eat, living close to most of my family, discovering homeschooling, trampolines, long distance phone calls to my sister who lives away, living in a free country, CBC Radio, Diet Pepsi, my local library and of course a hot pot of coffee on the mornings when I really need it. 
And I am thankful to all of you who take the time to read my musings, thanks for coming along for the ride.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

It's all in the Wording...

For me, wording is everything.  I have a background in anthropology, and truly believe that the words we choose cannot be seperated from our viewpoints, understandings, and perspectives.  It's kind of like how the Inuit have like a gazillion words for snow, because snow plays such a large role in their lives.  Their language reflects that.

It's why I so hate the word "autistic".  I don't just use person first terminology because it is politically correct, I use it so that my language reflects my thoughts, that a person comes before their label. 

The latest word that is beginning to fall harshly on my ears is one that you might not expect.  It's one I didn't always mind, but really irks me now.  Inclusion.  It's not the practise that bothers me, but the word itself.  (although I do have my own view points of full inclusion, which is a different issue altogether.)

What does it mean to be included?  In my mind it would involve accomodations being made so that all people could be participants.  By its very nature, we have to assume that the enviornment or activity is, under normal circumstances in some way non-accessible to those being included. 

When I was a little girl, my older sisters were often reminded to 'include' me in their games. 

Call me a word snob if you like, but I don't want my boy to be just included.  I want him to belong.  It feels like if you have to be included, it sends the message that you are being pulled in from outside the group.  Outsiders being allowed in.  I don't like that word.  I don't know a better one yet, I'm still thinking about it....  I do not see people with exceptionalities as being outsiders, I see them as full bodied, equally important human beings.  Like my favourite line from the HBO Temple Grandin movie..."Different, not less."

Again, it's not that I am in disagreement with the practise of inclusion itself, I see the world as being for all, and the more we can make all places for all, the better.  It's just the word. 

And the wording is everything.

Front Page News!

We've had a pretty exciting couple of days here!  Earlier this week I received a message to contact a reporter from our provincial newspaper, The Telegram.  To say the least this caught me off guard, but they had gotten wind of Aiden receiving his handwritten letter from Minister Kevin O'Brien. (You've Got Mail)  I agreed to the interview, but was floored when our story was printed on the front page of the paper today! Even his sweet little pictured appeared for all to see.

While I'm not a big fan of attention, we really felt the need to agree to the story so that Minister O'Brien would get the public attention his good deeds deserved.  I only hope that The Telegram's readers enjoyed their little bit of good news this morning.  There are good people out there... and little boys still dream big.

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