All is Quiet

the house is quiet, the hum of fans
sleeping lightly, dreaming brightly
eyes dance beneath their lowered lids

and these walls hold the sounds of the day
that passed
the rules that were followed, the steps we danced
resound throughout the rooms

but from the outside, in dim light stands
a house like all the others on the street

                    where inside lay children asleep.

Don't Pick Up

I recieved a phone call the other day that sort of shook me up a little.  It was late in the morning, we were not long finished our homeschool, generally, going about our day.  Usually I do the whole caller ID thing before answering, but I wasn`t quite expecting the usual telemarketers until I was just about to put supper on the table, or up to my elbows with the kids in the tub...but I digress.  On the phone, a chirpy woman asked for me by name, and then informed me that she was contacting women within my age group for special female cancers insurance. 

Gulp.

Not exactly the reminder of your ageing that you want to hear.  And it struck me... I can`t get sick.  I have way too much that I am responsible for right where I am, thank you very much.  And then it struck me even harder...what if I did get sick..... gulp again.

I cannot imagine anything scarier for a  mom then the thoughts of her children being without her.  Oh wait, yes I can, add special needs to the equation.  I am not just a mom, I am an interpreter of the world, a safe person, an advocate, and above all else, deeply committed, and madly in love!

Double gulp.

I quickly got off the phone, and I admit, while not overtly rude, I was curt and obviously annoyed.  There is something about being an autism parent that makes you grow increasingly disguisted with people who prey on the fears of others.

It`s a good thing I have my New Year Resolutions still posted up around the house.  I, for one, am practising living in the present.  Because honestly, these days, that is about all I can handle.

Next time, I think I will just let it ring.

Here Kitty Kitty

Aiden cam

Okay, explain this to me.  We have had our cat Finnegan for 3 1/2 years.  He is a lovely cat, the sort that kind of likes to be close, but doesn't hop up in your lap.  He's more of a be - in - the - same - room  -with - you cat, less of a having - his - big - furry - bum - stuck - up - in - your - face kind of cat.  Perfect.  (or rather, purrrrfect.)

Now, my little man was only 2 when we got Finnegan, so, now at six, it's possible that he can't really remember a time without puss.  So, back to my question.  Up until about 2 months ago, he offered dear little Finnegan absolutely no signs of friendship or kinship.  It was as if they lived in mutual indifference.  Other than the fact that he would list him as a family member, or count him amongst the people that he loved, I would have thought that the cat could have simply vanished, and he migh not even have noticed.  But not now.  Nope.  He has now decided that  not only will  he acknowledge the cat, and try to engage him in play, but he has  also decided that he adores the cat.  He gets up out of bed in the morning, and immediately searches out his feline companion.  He has taken to feeding the cat, giving him drinks of water.  Images of Finnegan are replacing some of his drawings of transport trucks....high praise indeed.

Why I don`t know.

As for the cat, he is accepting his new found attention with trepidation.  But surprisingly, with a huge threshold of patience.   From time to time he stares at me, his big oval eyes pleading for me to rescue him. But for the most part, he takes it all on the chin.

It`s nice that he has a new interest, and I really appreciate his gentle manner towards the little creature, taking on responibility for him is also wonderful.  I guess these are the reasons most people get pets in the first place. 

I just can`t help but wonder where the sudden interest came from. 

Another little mystery to add to the pile... but a nice one.  I really do hope that his little interest persists, pets can be such a comfort.  They demand so little, they have no notions of social expectations.  They just love you for whatever you`ve got to offer them.  Whether it be a pat on the head, or a bowl full of kibble.

Thanks Finnegan, you're a real pal.

Aiden cam again

Putting the "pet" in Pillow Pet

New Year, New Attitude

Dear 2011,
Welcome.  I hope that we get to be really, really good friends.  I hope that when we look back on our time together, that our yearbook brims with pictures of smiling faces and joyful memories.
Natalie

Happy New Year one and all!  As we turn over a new leaf, and start a new year fresh and new, I've made different kinds of resolutions this year, not so much about lifestyle as about outlook and attitude.

So here is the list of goals I am setting for myself in 2011:
1. Recognize my child's strengths and build on those.  Just because our world works on a deficit model doesn't mean that I have to.
2. Accept my child's unique way in the world, help him to get the skills he needs and appreciate his many gifts. 
3. Forgive myself.  I will try really hard not to come down too hard on myself when I hit a brick wall, I will honestly try to appreciate my own hard work.
4. Stay in the present.  Stop looking (and worrying) so far ahead.  Deal with today, appreciate today. 

There you have it,  my goals for a happy, healthy year.  I'll keep you posted.

Christmas is Coming to Town

The magical Christmas is now less than two weeks away.  Along with the hustle and bustle of trying to finish up shopping and decorating, many autism families are also trying to cope with the stress Christmas brings to our special little ones, and trying to plan the holidays accordingly.

Many people are surprised to realize that Christmas is anything but a time of pure joy for children.  But trust me, it can be a difficult time for many families.

Sure our kids are excited about Santa's pending trip down the chimney, but they are also big fans of consistancy, and Christmas is a time when everything changes, from daily schedules, to the invasion of Christmas decorations, drastically altering their physical environment.

Here are some of my tips for surviving Christmas, and enjoying it along the way.

1. Plan ahead.  Do your best to plan your Christmas visits, so that you can let your child know in advance where they are going, and for how long.  If you are going from place to place, create a little list for your child to follow, and perhaps keep in their pocket.   
2. Pack heavily.  This is the time to test the capacity of your purse.  Fill your purse with everything you need, or might need, or just might be nice to help your child enjoy themselves, whereever you are going.  Favourite snacks, chewey tubes, portable DVD player with favoured videos, portable gaming system, books, iPod fully loaded...and whatever else you can think of.  Sound excessive?  I personally believe there is no such thing as being overly prepared.
3. Social Stories.  Make use of Carol Gray's brilliant idea by writing Social Stories which may cover any novel situation you may be in.  Perhaps one illustrating proper use of another child's new Christmas toy, how to politely decline offered foods, what to do when you want to go home, but you can't just yet....you anme the issue, and you can write the story. 
4. Maintain normalcy as much as possible.  Admist all of the hustle and bustle, try to find some things that can stay the same.  Your little one may cling to these small strands of normal, and they just might get them through all the rest.  For example, last year we homeschooled through the holidays, missing just Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  Even if he doesn't love school work, it is a big part of his schedule.  Also, you might do your best to maintain the regular bedtime routine.  Small pockets of normal in a sea of change. 
5. Keep your home sacred ground.  Allow your house to always be a safe place, his or her place of retreat.  Perhaps you shouldn't host the big holiday parties, or large family dinners, unless this is something your child enjoys. 
6. If it's just too much, don't do it.  Learn to say no.  Not all invitations are best accepted.  Show gratitude for being included, but if you think an event would just be too much, you are most likely right.  Your stress will become your child's stress.  Do what you can, try your best, and try your best to recognize that keeping your child's best interest in mind is bound to dissapoint others at times.  That's just part of the deal.
7. Keep your holiday priorities straight, happy, joyful time together as a family. 

I love Christmas, and fully intend on enjoying it the best that I can....even if it kills me!

Exceptional Family

I'm very excited to announce that My Yellow Apple has been featured in the current issue of Exceptional Family magazine!  There is a feature article on  moms who blog, and I am so happy that Aiden and I are a part of it.

Exceptional Family is a wonderful Canadian magazine for families of people with disabilities.  Every issue I find tons of useful information in this mag, and would highly reccomend it to other families.

I'd like to send a special welcome to any new readers who have found their way here from the magazine article.  I hope you like what you see and come back often!

What a wonderful early Christmas present for me and my family....one we'll treasure for years to come.

Help Me to Remember

In these hard days, help me to remember that it's been hard before.  I need to remember that hard times come, and hard times go.  Help me to remember how far we have come already, and that things can look up.  Because sometimes, usually not for long, I can forget.  And that scares me.

Help me to remember that all the choices we have made have been made with pure hearts, always with best hopes for other, not for self.  When you have to make such big decisions all the time, it can be easy to question yourself, and sometimes that makes me upset.

When things are rough, I need to remember all of my blessings.  I don't always want to be focused on my worries, there are many in this world who would see my worries as trivial in light of their own, and they are right.  It's all the things I take for granted that are my blessings, how lucky I am to take so many things for granted.  Remembering my blessings can make me feel grateful, and loved.

Help me to remember, when I'm having a hard time, that it's okay if I don't always know what to do.  It's okay if I try a zillion things, some of which I thought were great ideas, and they don't seem to work.  It is my effort and dedication that matter, and lots of times these don't fail me.  When I can't figure out the answer, and I feel like I am walking in circles I can feel frustrated, and dissapointed in myself. 

Help me to remember that when I don't know what else to do, it's always a good idea to love a little harder.  It may not fix everything, but sometimes it's all I have to offer.  And a little extra love never hurts.   

Is there anybody out there?

I read a lot.  I take great comfort in recognizing my family's story in other people's stories.  Perhaps it is human nature to know that we are not alone.  When you face the challenges of parenting a child with autism, circumventing and obeying the host of "rules" your child lays out for you, it is hard not to feel like it is impossible that anyone else could possibly understand your life.  And how you live it.

And no offense, but I honestly do not think one can truly "get this" unless they are living it.  It is just too much, too all-encompassing to understand unless you are in it up to your armpits. 

At this particular moment in time, I am feeling very isolated.  We are going through a cycle of extreme sensory issues, and thankfully I am now experienced enough to know that these issues will cycle out again, but for now, they are very, very real.  And very, very limiting. 

As one example, right now we are going through an extreme aversion to food smells.  Extreme.  It is very hard to find things to cook that will not make him feel as if his body is under attack.  Try going to the grocery store with a child who can lose all sense of decorum at the slightest whiff of banana. 

At times like this, my world gets very small.  There are few places I can go, few things I can do.  Honestly, it is a pretty lonesome scene. 

I know that there are other moms out there who honestly understand the bizarre dilemnas I find myself faced with.  Moms worldwide ask each other for advice on tips for facing parenting challenges, how you get your kids to bed on time, ways to sneak more vegetables into their kids, stuff like that.  But I'm looking for help solving slightly less common problems, How do I get my boy to keep the sleeves of his winter coat rolled down ?  How do you get your child to tell you if they've hurt themselves?  How do you explain to people what your child needs without coming off all "preachy"?

You are out there, right?  Other moms do have these kinds of questions...right?

What a Wonderful Kind of Day!

It's great when you don't have to reinvent the wheel.  Which is exactly what us parents of children with Asperger's Syndrome do, all the time.  Every time our child meets new people.  Everytime we bring our child to a new environment.  We have to find a succint, accurate description of our child's differences, and still try to find a way to put some focus on the good, before losing the audience's attention.  We need to quickly plead them to look beyond what can appear as indifference on our child's part, or quirky behaviours, and take the time to see the multitude of gifts our child has to offer.

You know what?  From now on, I'll be sharing this link.  Because it is a great, child friendly description of Asperger's, and how children with differences still have a lot to offer in friendships.  And how it is worth making some accomdations to have a great friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYgN2few-Tw

Arthur, the beloved PBS character has featured an episode on Asperger's Syndrome.  The episode is titled "When Carl met George". George is a great artist, a train specialist, startled by noises, and easily upset.  Sound familiar anyone?  The episode even addresses special interests, without an insulting slant that our kids are "obsessed" with something.  Following the cartoon, the "and now a word from us kids" section featured some real children who have Asperger's and autism. 

It was well done, and definately worth sharing.

A world where t.v. shows take the time to appeal to all of its viewers, and fosters understanding amongst children to appreciate differences....what a wonderful kind of day! 

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Okay, so I've already dedicated two posts to the amazing Minister Kevin O'Brien, but I just have to share this!  (see You've Got Mail, and Front Page News!)

This man's thoughtfulness and kind heartedness merits just one more post.  He actually made arrangements,came to our house, and knocked on the door, with a transport truck!  Aiden was taken for a nice long ride, blew the horn, used the CB radio, the whole deal.

He was over the moon!  He now has an amazing memory to last him a lifetime.

And to think, all of this because a little boy wrote a letter!

We need more Kevins!!!!!