Um....Not Quite.

Mariokart's Coconut Mall

Whoever invented YouTube is a genius.  Aiden has quite the pile of "Favorites" built up for himself.  Whatever his latest interest is, he is able to satisfy his need through the seemless endless topics available for his viewing pleasure.

One thing he loves to watch is videos of people playing Mariokart.  I think he'd rather watch people play the game on YouTube than play it himself!  But, through the power of YouTube, he has discovered videos of people who have hacked the games, who have found ways to explore parts of the race tracks that we aren't meant to access.  For Aiden, this is inexplicably exciting.

Now, not to make a generalization, but I've heard other parents say the same things about their children on the autism spectrum... like my boy, they prefer to explore the worlds of video games than to play them in their intended ways.  Aiden could care less about winning first place in a race on Mariokart, he just enjoys looking around, seeing where he can get, that kind of stuff.  He draws countless pictures of the worlds depicted there, with stunning detail, because that's how he enjoys the game.

So, he is quite interested in how these online hackers are able to get all of those cool places.  Neither hubby nor I could ever be confused for computer game enthusiasts, and certainly not experts.  We are both able to use techology in general to meet our needs, but the inner workings of it remain  both mysterious and magical.  You can imagine the dissapointment our lack of knowledge brings to our six year old.  He wants us to find a "computering person" to help him with his quest. 

Upon harrassment to help him explore the off-track locations in places like Toad's Factory and Coconut Mall, we patiently explained to him that you need to be able "to write code" to hack these games.

He went off on his own for a while... then returned proudly holding up a sheet of paper. 
"Mommy, Daddy, I wrote code! "



So you did baby, so you did.

What You Might Not Know

I'd be lying if I said I've got it easy.
When even a simple trip to Walmart takes planning, and a dose of courage.

I'd be lying if I said that although homeschooling is the best possible choice for us, that it's easy.
It is a ton of work, a ton of planning, a rather mighty big project overall, home educating your child.

I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't smart to have three university degrees,  and no career.
When you spot me at the grocery store in sweat pants, possibly pulling my child away from the grimy cleaning cart, "highly educated" probably isn't the adjective that jumps into your head.

But, you might not know that although parenting a child with special needs was never planned, it is an unimaginable priveledge.  A daily reminder of keeping perspective, appreciating your gifts and loving to the hilt.  You might be surprised to know that even though my child may require a lot of extra work, that it is worth it. I would'nt trade one day with him for anything.

You might be surprised to know that I do not wish him any other way.  That the sight of your typical child stirs up no jealousy in me.  Of course I do not wish him challenges or a life filled with obstacles, but he is who he is, and I am wouldn't trade him for the world.  That I'm not looking for miracle cures, just support and acceptance.

You might not know that being responsible for our boy makes me feel special too. 

In Your Own Backyard

The dog days of summer are here.  On the beautiful days we rise with nothing before us but promise of what the day might bring.  On the rainy days we ponder how to while away our time.

Summer holds a unique challenge for us.  The city is alive with school children, no longer are they tucked away by day within the confines of the school walls.  They are out, they are free, and they are everywhere.

Favoured playgrounds now house summer day camps.  The play equipment is lost beneath swarms of climbing, jumping, playing children.  The shops, the local attractions, all of the places to go are filled.

Everywhere is crowded.  Everywhere is full. 

If you parent a child who does not thrive in crowds, you will understand the problem.  We are left feeling that there is nowhere to go.  Our backyard becomes our sanctuary, the platform for all of our outdoor fun. 

Finding places to go, and things to join is a continuting challenge.  One I expect will only become more difficult over time.  Small group activiites are hard to come by.  Specialized programs are not always what you would hope they would be.

So we will wait out the crowds of the summer.  When the kids go back to school, we can once again reclaim the plagrounds.  I will continue my search for the right place for us.

I so often wish that the discussions about inclusion were extended beyond money-saving gestures of jamming all our kids into the one classroom.  Instead we could work as a community to find places for all kids to play and to thrive.  No more waiting on the side lines.  No more waiting out the crowds.

Until then I will  just be thankful for our backyard.  And my children who play so joyfully there.

Two Years of My Yellow Apple

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of My Yellow Apple.

Funny how so much can change in two years, and how much can stay the same.

This little blog has been a wonderful place for me to come to vent, reflect and feel like I am reaching out.  Being heard.
 
Thank you to all of you who take the time to  listen.  Thanks for dropping by, and thanks for coming back.

Your encouragement and kind words over the last two years have been a gift.

Welcome to year three of My Yellow Apple.

One of the Reasons

Out in the backyard this morning, my two sweeties were swinging on the swings and running in the grass.  Revelling in the glory of a beautiful sun- filled morning.

I sit on the patio, enjoying my first precious cup of coffee, silently planning the day before me, and listening in on their back and forth conversation.

And I hear my little boy gently offering his sister a freshly picked dandelion, as bright and yellow as the sun.  She couldn't be happier had he given her a new pony.  She graciously accepts, thanking him 100 times over.

A small offering from a boy to his sister.  A huge gift to the listening-in mommy.

And that`s just one of the reasons I love him.

A Recipe for Success



Boiled Raisin Cake

 I have always enjoyed baking, and now that I have two little ones, I find it to be an excellent rainy day activity. Yes, there are times they ask to bake, and I am just not in the mood, or have just finished cleaning the kitchen…but once we get going, I’m always glad I said yes. Why? Not only because the children really enjoy baking, but also because this time together offers me a wealth of opportunity to work on key academic, sensory and social skills.

It is often the goal of us homeschooling moms, and us autism moms to use every experience to our advantage, to merge play into learning so that our little ones find it hard to tell one from the other. And what better way to do this, than while whipping up something sweet? With baking, there is always a reward at the end.

How can you make baking work for your little ones? Here are a few tips:

Academic Skills in Baking

• Following a recipe is great practice in following directions.

• Depending on the age, or reading skills of your child, reprint your recipe with key words, so that your child can feel like they are reading alone. Or, use clip art, or your own fancy art work to make the recipe visual.

• Measurement skills: baking is a great way to learn about fractions. Use the standard measuring cups to learn basic fractions, or double or triple recipes to work on other fraction skills. Be creative, if a recipe calls for ½ a cup of sugar, ask your child how they could get this amount without using the ½ cup.

• Estimation: children can estimate how many cookies the recipe will yield, record their guesses, and count to check at the end.

• Skip counting: if you are making a larger batch, have children count the number of cookies by making groups of 5 or 10.

• Division: create story problems while baking. For example, you have 5 kids coming to a party, and 24 cookies. How many will each child get? How many will be left over.

• Patterning: for roll out cookies, use different cookie stampers to create patterns on the baking sheet.

Social Skills in Baking:

• Turn taking: children can take turns reading from the recipe. adding ingredients, using the mixer, fetching needed ingredients or tools, etc.

• Settling disputes: Do your kids fight over who gets to crack the eggs, or lick the spoon? Before you get into the action, have children agree upon who gets to do what. Try to let them sort this through on their own, and once the baking begins, they can work on sticking to their bargain.

• Being helpful: children love to feel helpful, not only are they helping to bake, but they can help to clean up, put away ingredients, even sweeping the floor!

• Conversation: talk about what you’re doing, ask lots of questions, reflect upon the activity, what was your favourite part?

• Paying compliments: have children compliment each other on their hard work. Maybe take turns saying what everybody did best!

Sensory Opportunities in Baking:

• Hard work of stirring stiff dough

• Rolling out dough using roller, or their bare hands.

• Kneading dough

• Get their fingers dirty! Baking has oodles of opportunities to get your child’s hands into something soft and icky.

• Lots of smelling! Experiment with calming scents (almond extract, apple, banana, butter, cinnamon, vanilla extract) or arousing scents (chocolate, coffee, lemon, orange, mint)

• Tasting



And if all this doesn’t give you enough incentive to whip out your apron and preheat the oven….perhaps the thoughts of some delicious baked goods will do the trick

Setting the Bar

One thing I'm never quite sure of, still haven't figured out, is where to set the bar.  I can recognize when it's held too low.  I can even sometimes recognize when it is held too high, but I'm not always sure of when it is just right. This is part of having a child with a spectrum disorder, and invisible challenges. Their struggles may not be as obvious, so their needed supports and understanding can be just as elusive. 

One thing some of us moms complain about, is that once we share our child's diagnosis with others, due to lack of understanding (and awareness!) some people automatically drop the bar, lower it to ridiculously low standards.  This can be really frustrating when you are paying for your kid to be in lessons, and the instructors see them as a write-off the second you open your mouth.  Suddenly your intention that your child just be better understood is somehow translated into, "he doesn't really count so go on about your business with the others."  Or at least that's how it feels when they recieve zero attention.

The really tricky part may be that the bar constantly needs to be adjusted.  In some areas of their lives, they will, like other children, rise to the expectations.  High expectations, where appropriate translate to knowing that someone deems you capable.  Expecting good work, or good behaviour from someone can equate to believing in someone. 

Counter to that, recognizing that our children struggle in some areas requires us to set the bar at the right level in that area.  Where they can experience success, where they do not have to feel as though doing their best is not good enough.

I find this really, really hard.  I worry that if we are having a hard day, and I lower expectations for behaviour, or for school work, that somehow I am setting a new, lower standard for Aiden, and for myself.  I wory about not working hard enough, or not working him hard enough.  Or I can worry about pushing him too hard on days when he is already feeling overloaded.

In my heart, I feel that whenever someone is doing the best that they can with the tools and skills that they have, there lives integrity.  Whenever somebody is able to do as much for themselves as they can, there lives indepependence.  Integrity and independence are what I strive for....those are the 'roots and wings' for me.

So daily living becomes a series of decision making in terms of expectations.  Each day and each area can demand a different standard.  So, as parents we are the coach, standing on the sidelines, encouraging and sometimes downright coaxing. And somtimes, once in a while, just letting it go.

Now I Love Rubbermaid Too



If this logo is on it, buy it.

 If you've ever found yourself disgruntled with the world around you, feeling that we live in a man -eat- man kind of a place, I`ve got a story for you. it`s a good story, filled with human goodness.  You might even say it`s a beautiful story.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that it couldn`t hurt to send Rubbermaid a letter, telling them about Aiden`s complete admiration for their cleaning carts.  And their yellow buckets on wheels, and so on. Along with the letter, I enclosed a copy of some of Aiden`s Rubbermaid themed art work, and a link to this blog.

Well, today, as the kids and I were making crafts at the kitchen island, the phone rang.  I almost didn`t pick up because I didn`t recognize the area code, and have been getting a lot of telemarketing phone calls lately.  Why I picked up I dont know, but I am so glad I did.  Ìs this Natalie...`` a voice questioned from the line  ``Yes``, I replied, wondering how these people got my name, when the voice introduced himself.  He was a Mr. Tim Spence, calling not from some I`ll -just- take- 45- minutes- of- your- time operation, but from RUBBERMAID!!!!!!!  Yip, it`s true.  I still cannot believe it, but it is true.

He said that  they had recieved my letter, and that it had really touched their hearts.  They are arranging for a local distributor to provide my little janitorial-loving boy with a cleaning cart!!!!  I stood holding the phone in disbelief.  I simply could not believe that I had heard him correctly.  I would love to now state that I handled this phone call with great poise, and responded with some sort of appreciative communication.  However, the truth is that I broke down crying.  I was struck.  Not only by the overwhelming sensation that my baby`s dreams were going to come true, but also by the level of humanity and unbridled generosity being afforded Aiden by a complete stranger.

I can tell you this, from the couple of minutes I spent on the phone with Mr. Spence, I knew that I was speaking to someone with a kind, generous heart.  I honestly felt that making this phone call, and granting Aiden his heart`s desire was bringing him great joy, the man embodied a true giving spirit.

My son has been doubly blessed.  Not only will he recieve his cart, but the biggest gift is the lesson that the world is a good place, filled with good people.  That he has recieved great kindness from a complete stranger is what I hope he carries with him throughout his life.  Long after Rubbermaid products lose their glow.  My hope is that some day he will be the sort of person who gives to others, asking for nothing in return. 

So, the next time you are out shopping, and you`re trying to decide which product to buy, if Rubbermaid is a choice, let it be your pick!

Mr. Spence, and Rubbermaid, I do not know how to properly express my gratitude to you, for what you are giving my boy, and for the beautiful example you have set for him as well.  My true wish is that your kindness is repaid to you one hundred fold.

As for me, I have nothing else to wish for.

School Schmool

Was shopping with Aiden today, saw this bear and cracked up!

I started this blog, initially, partly as a way to keep record of the one year I planned on homeschooling.  I have come to learn that many people enter homeschooling as some sort of temporary arrangement, but quickly fall into its charm and many merits.  I no longer preface my homeschooling choice with a disclaimer of its intended duration.  I no longer feel the need to seperate myself from whom I had imagined most homeschooling moms to be. (Sorry ladies....) 

I am more comfortable in our choice, mainly because I have been blessed enough to have access to a local support group, filled with lovely women, and their beautiful children.  Finding others who share your normal makes all the difference.  A few months ago, I started arranging monthly meetings for those of us within the group who are homeschooling children with special needs.  This has been a great source of encouragement and support to me, like I have learned so often since Aiden's diagnosis, none of us are alone in our challenges.  For some reason, that is one lesson I keep on learning.

Knowing that this is the right educational choice for us doesn't mean it's an easy one.  There have been days that have been just plain tortorous.  Seriously, painful.  But there have also been many, many days that have been highly successful.  Sometimes I look through all of the work we have accomplished, and I can't help but feel proud.  Today Aiden started work on a "Cleaning up on Grade One" booklet I made him, with relish he dipped into his janitorial themed math problems.  Where else could he recieve such individualized, motivational materials?  He carefully drew and recorded the changes in his caterpillars, anxiously awaiting the formation of a chrysalis... engaged, excited learning.  In a regular classroom, he would be too distracted and distressed to benefit from such a science project.

I've had a paradigm shift with my attitude towards homeschooling.  Initially it was begun out of necessity, and our sheer terror of facing the public school system.  Now, I see its discovery as yet one more gift discovered by our family since we started calling Aiden's autism by name.

And now they want to bake cookies...

Ever have one of those days you thought would never end?  When bedtime seems like a far distant shore?  I had one of those days today.  In fact I'm still having it.  Go. Go. Go. 

-Could you get me a....
-I wanna...
-Mommy he's....
-Mommy she's...

One and a half hours .until bed.
Nothing but cleaning the kitchen, bath and bed standing between me and five minutes peace.

And now they want to bake cookies.