The other day Aiden hauled out his baby scrapbook, and of course, once it's in sight, I had to go through it.
It's funny the tug of loss I feel when looking at pictures of my children as babies. Because it doesn't feel that long ago, but when I poke through those pages I'm forced to acknowledge the passing of the years. There's no denying it.
I'm often entranced by Aiden's baby pics. Searching for clues, staring at his face. I'm mostly brought back to that time, when I believed I'd already met my little boy. I guess when he was so young I thought i knew him, that all my ideas of who he would be were real, not just my imaginings.
I thought I'd already opened the gift that was my boy. I thought that when he was born that the wrapping paper had already been torn off fully.
I was so wrong. In reality I've been tearing away at the gift wrap bit by bit, piece by piece. Every now and again I think I know what's inside, tease myself with hints, predictions. Kind of like when you're fondling a gift before Christmas, certain you've figured out what's hiding beneath, only to be thrown off by the feel of something you can't quite explain. I was sure this was a blanket, so what's that hard lump I'm feeling? Back to step one in the guessing game.
I've always thought that a glimpse of the future would help quell all of my fears. But maybe children aren't meant to expose themselves all at once. Maybe none of them do. Perhaps we let our own ideas of who they are interfere with who they were going to be. We kind of set their course for them, almost accidentally.
So I guess I'll keep on tearing slowly, peaking inside, guessing and dreaming.
Because the gift of my boy is meant to be savoured. No rush, I'll unwrap slowly.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
I know that many people know what autism is. I also know that many people understand that it is skyrocketing. But what I really want is to help in creating a community of compassion for those affected by autism, and their families.
11 year olf Mitchell Wilson recently took his own life because of a violent attack from another young boy, himself just 12. I, like many am disguisted by the incident. Baffled at how another child could behave this way. But I think we are kidding ourselves if we believe that this 12 year old was anything but a product of society. Our society. We have to ask ourselves how we failed Mitchell, and how we failed the other boy as well.
Holding the 12 year old responsible for his actions is one thing, but not taking pause to question why it happened, and how we all hold some responsibility would be negligent. Because there will be other Mitchells. There already are.
Somehow, in the busy days of ferrying our sons and daughters from soccer and hockey and back again, we have forgotten to teach our own children. Schools may teach your children to read and write, and how to add and subtract, but it is not their job to dispense morals.
Parents, talk to your children. Start young. Help them to become good, solid people. Kindness comes naturally to children, foster it, encourage it, praise it. Young children ae accepting, we learn to fear that which is different. Don't let them learn this fear from you. Racism, sexism, homophobia are not natural to the garden of a child's mind, they are dangerous seeds that get planted. Once they take root, they can be difficult to get rid of. Protect it dearly.
Don't stop at teaching your child to say please and thank you. Surface manners aren't enough. Teach them compassion, selflessness, and respect. Teach them that different is not less . (That's Temple's mama talking) Make sure that they know that how they act matters. Teach them that you are holding them to a high standard. Act as an example for your children.
There may not be any ribbons, trophies, or first places for having a strong character, but it matters more than anything else. Than everything else, put together.
This October, talk to your children about what autism is. Most likely they have a child with autism in their classroom. But don't stop at giving them a definition.
And my family will be grateful to you.