Remember me? I like good music, Canadian literature, scrapbooking, folklore, old graveyards, sitcoms that came on after 10 p.m., going out for coffee, shopping without a direct purpose (and not just at Walmart or the grocery store), chatting on the phone.....
This is a partial list of things I used to enjoy, ways I used to define myself. And they're all mostly past memories. I know being a mom means becomming selfless, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have time or opportunities to indulge my old interests again.
And now is the part where I make sure to qualify that none of those things hold a candle to being "Mommy" to my sweet little ones...but still...there's a twinge...a small hint of the me that used to be.
I see a lot of people who appear to do a better balancing act between Mom and Person than I do. They can still maintain social lives, make time for themselves....all in all, they are still themselves. I am sure that their approach to parenting is much healthier than mine! But then again, parenting a child with special needs makes balance an awful lot harder to achieve.
I know there's lots of merit to the "Be sure to make time for yourself" way of thinking...but usually when I hear that, it just sounds like one more thing to worry about. Let's face it, when you have a child who often doesn't sleep, and an active toddler to boot, you're just plain wiped out. So time for myself involves getting to run to Walmart ALONE on a Saturday while hubby is home, catching a t.v. show while folding clothes, or, thankfully, yes thankfully, reading a book while the kids are eating their breakfast, or playing around me!
I'm sure all moms feel this way from time to time...just a little lost in the shuffle. And these just may be the busy, hectic days of having small children that I'll pine for in years to come.... because I'm sure I'll never be as loved, adored or needed as I am right now. My babies are young enough to view me with stars in their eyes....in a few short years, no doubt, I'll be more gatekeeper, rule maker, fun-spoiler....
And I'll be asking them to remember me just as I am now....
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That is something that we all struggle with, I think, but it must be harder when you have a child with special needs. Often when I get that "mom time" I am eager to get back home and be with my husband and children again. You are right... these years will be over before we know it and w will miss the days when we were needed so.
ReplyDeleteYou make some great points here, Nat, as usual. But hard as it is, try to cherish it. Funny you wrote this tonight, after our conversation today. Tonight I took William's hand while he was sleeping and remembered it little, when I could hold it any old time, and realized it's not my hand to hold anymore . . . A xx
ReplyDeleteYou will be adored always for being a great mum. It takes time to reclaim some time for yourself, somehow, you touched a little on subject I have written a few days ago. Respite and my escapism..
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