Monday, December 21, 2009

A Letter to Remain Unsent..

Well it's been a while since my last post.  I've had a dilemna.  I had a great urge to write about a rather unpleasant experience that I had, but I do try to keep the feel of this blog positive.  I do not want to come off as bitter or angry, so time to had elapse to take the sting from my wound.  Because, bitter, and angry I was.
So, after a week of thinking about what I should have said to the woman that gave my son the look of death mingled with disguist during a recent trip to the hospital... I have crafted instead a letter which will remain unsent.  Written many times in my head throughout he past week...I've decided to edit out some of the nastier, not healthy for anyone parts...
Dear __________,
You I am sure will not remember the incident last week at the hospital, when, seconds from the exit, you overheard my son become very upset.  Nor do you care why he was upset, or have any idea about the multitude of factors that led to his crying and shouting on the hospital floor.  However, in exagerated looks meant to be noticed, you conveyed to your accompanying daughter your disgust at the behaviour you were being forced to witness.  Meant for the terrible parent of this screaming child to see.  Next, pausing with your hand on the EXIT door, yes, you were mere seconds from freedom of this event, surely you could have sucked it up and endured,instead you looked over your shoulder, and shot my little 5 year old a look that screamed your disguist, your intolerance, your lack of empathy, and certainly your lack of awareness as to his exceptionality.
Why did you do this?  Perhaps to prove that this is behaviour that YOU would never condone..oh, my goodness, no.  Perhaps you thought he just needed a stern look to make up for the oh so apparant lack of parenting.  Or, perhaps, you're just not a very nice person, and you feel the need to busy yourself with other people's lives, assuming that your opinion of a situation is of any relevance or importance.
Maybe you just take for granted that you have a typical child, and never had to endure these moments.   But you see, something strange happened.  Instead of being embarrassed by Aiden's behaviour, I was embarrassed by yours.  Imagine! 
You see, you didn't look at me, you were too busy throwing daggers into a small boy's face.  But, me, I saw yours.  And I know you, and you know me.  And I know what you do for a living, and I certainly know that you would be expected to be a person of tolerance, and patience.
So, I 'll keep your name withheld, such gossip would surely feel good momentarily, but Iwould come to regret the pettiness of it all prety quickly.
And, besides, I try to be a model of civil, respectful behaviour.
And, who knows...I don't know the events that led up to your appalling behaviour either.  Perhaps you just received terrible news..perhaps something horrible is going on in your personal life.  That is why this letter will remain unsent.

And now, perhaps after a week of brooding, I can move on.


  1. Those letters are therapeutic, whether sent or not ;)

    I'm sorry that your son had to be on the receiving end of that. My daughter used to get those ugly looks frequently, and it crushed me. We were once told to leave a retail store, as I tried my best to calm her down. You'd never in a million years suspect the child she is now was the child she was then, but those experiences taught me a lot about the world.

    I just posted a blog entry about my own father's intolerance of his friend's autistic son, so this hits close to home for me right now. It hurts me that people judge our children so.

    It is difficult for me to move beyond things like this, too, so I understand. I do try to remember that there are a lot of parents out there who do know exactly how I feel, and perhaps with time and better awareness, people can learn to be less judgemental of others.

  2. Ohhh, StatMama, just read your last blog. You so get it. It must be even worse when it comes not from a mild acquaintance...but from a family member.
    I'll stick to this...poor behaviour is far worse coming from a typical adult, than poor behaviour from a child with autism. Anyday....

  3. I so love your blog - every word could be written by me and the experiences I have with my wonderful, but complicated little boy. I am so deeply grateful for your blog. Thank you. Marilotte (friend of Sarah Noonan's in Toronto)