It's everywhere now. School supplies. Normally, the sight of school supplies sends my heart skipping a beat. I truly believe that one of the perks of being a teacher, is that you will always have the thrill of stocking up afresh for September. However, a recent trip to Walmart, watching a mom help her little girl complete her shopping list, left me feeling kind of sad.
School terrifies me. It really does. I just cannot imagine a scenario where my little guy can pass happily through its structured ways. Well, I can't imagine a way that he can fit the mold without fundamentally changing who, and how he is. I've been worrying about school since he was 2. Who will ever have the time to deal with his activity level in their classroom? Who will ever have time to learn all of the dos and don'ts of teaching children with AS? Who will have the time to link his learning to his interests, which is a vital step in maintaining his focus? Who will have the patience required? I do. I know that, but our goal is to head into grade one after this year of homeschooling. Unless he fundamentally changes in the next year, sending him to school will be paramount to putting my heart on a chopping block.
Part of my problem, I don't trust people. I tried to trust people with him in the past, and it did nothing but do more harm but good. I don't want to spend 13 years apologizing for him being who he is. I want to spend all of his years celebrating who he is, and working with it. But...
...and it's a big but...I want him to have the advantage of a regular childhood. I would love to see him hop on a bus and ride to school. To casually talk about kids from his class. All of those things that most parents completely take for granted.
So, I'm avoiding school for a year. I'm going to put all of my anxieties on hold for a year. I'm going to go it alone for a year. I'm going to hope for a lot to change in a year. I am quite possibly going to go crazy this year (the thing about going to work...there are other adults there!!!. For those of you who can't remember what other adults are..they're fully grown humans, who hold similar interests to your own. And, I'm going to make a fair attempt at enjoying this year.
And, I'm going to chronicle this year. So, if you're interested, stay tuned.